So one time I saw this guy I had a fling with. He was with another girl, allegedly his new girlfriend. It shouldn’t have been a big deal, considering I was the one who blew him off. But it still mattered. Mattered enough to bulldoze my heart out flat. Maybe because I suddenly realized the things I lost out on when I turned my back on the aforementioned guy. But I am extremely certain it was because they looked really happy. And I am not. And if there’s anything I hate more than not being happy is having to look at happy couples.
They are the worst, oblivious to the world and just glowing with happiness in their bubble of champagne and liquid chocolate, trying to validate each others existence through co-dependence. Or something. And it’s obviously worse, if you are just standing there thinking you could have been in that bubble. But no. He was just too boring for you, you interesting unicorn.
But its okay. Its alright. Maybe one of these days it may just happen for you. Although reality would contradict that. You obviously don’t have your shit together. You still think what random strangers think about your physical appearance triumphs over what your near and dear ones think about the real person inside you. You hold grudges and you are superficial. You strive to find that mythical perfection in others when neither do you give someone time to get comfortable with you or are the so called epitome of perfection yourself. You still don’t respect yourself enough for you to cut out people who don’t respect you.
You need to take yourself seriously. You need to stop being so deprecating of yourself and try to become the mature, level-headed individual you want to be with. And moreover, you’ve got to stop looking for it, because you are only going to look in all the wrong corners and kiss frogs who are going to turn into princes for others and not you. But mostly, you have stopped loving yourself which needs to be stopped.