Sometimes I stare far too deep into space and then there are flashbacks of extremely embarrassing moments of my life, which squirms my entire being and to avoid that feeling of wanting to be swallowed by the Earth then and there, I switch on the TV, and new problems appear. Seriously though, has anyone switched on their TVs recently? I know all the cute cat videos you need to watch are on Youtube, but still, for fun, has anyone? Well, I have and it has scared the beejeezus out of me. So let’s get down to the breakdown, shall we?
1. Cartoons: So, apparently, cartoons are dead. And I do not call the Jap imports (not anime, those are fucking awesome) and weirdly animated Indian stuff which are trying to replace the gods like Jhonny Bravo, Powerpuff Girls, Dexter’s Labrotary, Ed, Edd n Eddy, Swat Cats, X-men, Spongebob Squarepants, Recess, Scooby Dobby doo, Tom n Jerry… yeah, they tried remaking that, Tom n Jerry!!! Who fucks around with Tom n Jerry??? You do not mess around with the Classics, bitch! I swear even though we are going high tech and the future generation will probably see real life Star Wars action happening, I pity them, what’s childhood without the Saturday morning cartoons?
2. Movies (Hindi): Every year an approximate of 5643053862534 movies are churned out by Bollywood. So, you’d expect to have a variety here right? RIGHT??? WRONG! Instead you get dubbed Southie flicks or hindi remakes of Southie flicks (choose the former, always! ) and Kabhi Khusi Kabhi Gam, running for 365 days across all of your nearest hindi movie channel in a loop.
3. English shows & movies : So get this alright, you go to this amazing restaurant, and you order say Pork roast, and the waiter goes all like “Sorry, but we can’t provide you with it currently because it is bad for your health”, you ,a little petrubed, now order Mutton Kebabs, and they go again “Oops, sorry, not gonna happen. Totes gonna harm you”, so now you order say, chicken tandoori, they gotta give you that right? “Nyet, nada. How about some boiled veggies though? The best from the house!”
Ya, same scenario. Violence – censored. Make out – censored. Kiss – censored. Jokes with awesome punchline – censored. Mention of boobs, vagina, penis (normal human body part which normal human beings are aware of since it is attached to their body) – CENSORED! So, you can’t watch the sitcoms or the action flicks or the romcoms, so you watch something informative and switch onto the Discovery Channel, and Bear Grylls greets you – in your mother tongue. I don’t know about you but watching Grylls speak Bengali more fluently and using bigger words than me freaks me out a LOT.
4. News – The problem with these 24 hour news channel is that there aren’t really that much news happening that gives you different news every hour of the day. So to fill up the 24 hour time slot we have discussion panels & debates among learned authorities voicing their opinion louder than the other, Amitabh Bacchan drinking tea, discovery of stairways to heaven in Sri Lanka and a breaking news about Rahul Gandhi sneezing every one hour repeated 7597476896874 + n times in a nanosecond.
But times change, except India soaps, those m-fuffers are a constant through time AND channel! So now I lament the censoring of the very risque content of The Big Bang Theory, while watching Asaram Bapu allegedly assaulting sexually a 16 year old girl, Obama planning onto bomb Syria, and Mamata Bannerjee being her crazy old self.
Cartoon strip courtesy : That_One_Guy_Who_You_Hate