I was introduced to this enigmatic aspect of life by my high school best friend in 8th grade and an erotica disguised as a teen novel (Who names an adult novel as “I, a teenager”?). Then, the nitty gritties were filled in by one of those serious talks about sex that parents should give to their hormone overloaded kids. My brother sorted that out for my parents. Parents in India should really do the whole one – on – one about sex with their kids more often. Stops from making sex “with consent” such a big taboo.
I am sorted with the whole biology aspect of it and I know of the consequences and how to avoid it, but there’s this whole emotional area that is generally glossed over by producing a picture of the two extremes. And it’s so very easy for a confused soul to keep going to and fro between the two extremes.
The one side of it explains the act as the language of the body, an animal instinct. You are doing it for your happiness, for your pleasure. You are the most important part in the equation. Who you are doing it with doesn’t hold much importance as long as they are warm and they are keeping you warm. And you do not look at them and cringe. It’s treated like a basic need right up there with food, clothing and shelter. There’s a certain feeling of power attached to it. The more you do it with, the more unattached to the person you are doing it with, the more invincible it makes you feel. You are the master with all the control. It’s intoxicatingly powerful. But there’s risk. How long? Every good thing comes to an end, and when something you get addicted to stops, it leaves you hollow.
I love power. I am detached. So, the appeal to this side lies right there.
And then there’s the other side. Here it is transformed into the language of love, and of passion, and of devotion all directed towards someone else. You are not doing it for your own happiness; it is all about the other person. And that makes you happy. The act doesn’t matter as much as being with that person. It’s about surrendering. It sounds more calming to me and that much more difficult, because it requires you to have patience and is riskier. Patience till that person comes into the scene. Riskier because you surrender.
Both have their share of lonely nights. One may have it at present till fate lays down its cards and the other may have it 10 or 20 years down the line when luck runs out of, well, luck.
So, which side do you take – because there isn’t a middle ground – when you are unsure of yourself and just want to feel wanted?