– Anyway, what else is up with you?
– I have decided I will give up one of my best qualities.
I will stop “listening” to everybody’s problem and everybody’s life around me.
– Why? What brought that on?
– Lots of stuff.
– Like, when I am listening to someone I stop talking to them about stuff that’s happening to me.. ’cause when you listen to someone you start getting to know them in a different level and judge them, and I don’t want to go through it, I don’t want to be judged like I judge others. It’s like a superiority complex, like these people by talking about their lives and their secrets and their insecurities are proving that they are weak. I hate opening up to people who have opened up to me. And I get sucked into their lives, start living their lives in my mind. Right now I need to concentrate in my own life for some time now, even if it’s temporarily.
– I am sure it’s temporary.
– I guess.
But I want to be a little selfish. I need to be selfish. Almost feel like I’ve have lost contact with myself if you know what I mean.
– I don’t really… I mean listening to people makes you better at some level.
– It does… But like everything it has its upsides and downsides. Now everyone wouldn’t know it because there are very few good listeners. Who don’t interrupt or provide their experience mid-way but just listen to you and ask the right questions and speak only when you want them to speak.
This was epic.
– You know I am like dead serious.
– Yeah, I am not taking you lightly… I am just saying how true this point actually is… That there are very few good listeners.
– I know… I suffer… You know I have tried my whole life to be the person I want others to be and I think I am sort of close to that idea.
– That’s my exact point… Talking with people, listening to them, makes you better. So why stop?
– Because in being this better person I sort of have lost touch with myself and like cracks are appearing everywhere, so I need few months to just fix myself.
– Technically you have lost touch with your old not-so-better self, isn’t it?
– No… Not really, right now I don’t even know who the hell I am, like I will give you few examples.
– Okay… Go on.
– Earlier it was so easy for me to get inside a book and just get lost till it ends… I was completely dedicated to it till the pages end, but now I can’t concentrate at all. I take weeks to finish a book which is a big deal for my pride… And whenever I read I start drifting to all this movies playing in my head and when I close the book to think about that and clear my head I can’t do that either.. I close the book and lose the network.
I can’t start a conversation with someone; it used to be like super easy,
me: “hey.. wassup”
xyz: “nothing much”
me: “so what music do you like listening to?”
And believe me or not, the conversation would just flow on its own after that and we’re best friends next day.
– You need to go off the grid for a while maybe.
– Exactly! And this is my way of going off the grid – to stop listening to others and listen to myself
– Maybe you need new friends too
– Nah. It’s the same all the time… Loners FTW!