Giving theory papers suck. Not because I can’t ram up thousand irrelevant data in a day and score the next, did that for the entire school time. It’s mostly because I am out of the habit. Writing a paper for two hours is out of circulation, I am mostly done within the 1st hour irrespective of whether I know the answers or not and then sitting there looking at all the rest of the souls writing pages after pages in an unnaturally cold room wearing shorts is irritatingly mind-numbing . And I get all “shit, did I not study anything last night?”. That sort of panic is the worst, because you know you don’t care really about the paper as such, getting scared of losing 5 marks on an answer should be best left to schools and honour courses but the panic makes you care about it, even if it’s for fifteen minute at the end of that 2 hour paper. That kind of scare can ruin the rest of the day.
But giving theory papers especially in March brings back school memories. Even though March meant finals, it also meant the only holiday after the two week till school opened for the new session that had absolutly no care or holiday homework, especially the latter. Also March is the coolest month ever, it’s warm but not as scorching as May and there’s that breeze in the night that’s cool but it doesn’t make you shiver. School looked best at this point. I never really liked it at that time – you never really appreciate the road gone by unless it a memory. And then you just want to keep going back to it. Humans! Never happy with what they have! But I guess spending a significant amount of your life in a place is bound to form a permanent place in your mind no matter all the bittersweet things attached to it. The only other thing that I loved the most about it, apart from some great friendships, was the campus. It was huge! And so green! I have a thing for big old trees and gardens and red flowers on trees, prettiest goddamn sight. And we had this field – me and my best friend would walk all around its perimeter constantly talking about movies, cute guys on TV, boyfriends, making random lists and make up the silliest game and play it all day long!
We also had this lake with ducks, and a big cage with lots of love birds and the elementary school kids would always be around it in the lunch break. Since my school was a convent, we had this beautiful chapel, and we would go time to time to drop a request or something. And there was this beautiful well with flowers all around it and a statue of mother Mary, and after school my friend and I again would just stand there and stare for awhile. Yeah, school was beautiful.
And across the chapel, we had our library. And although we had library period once a week somehow when thinking back, that’s what makes up most of my teenage years. Goosebumps, Nancy Drew case files, St. Clare’s, Meg Cabot, Harry Potter and so many afternoons of the weekend spend under the sun, pages flying. If I ever want anything back, it will be just that, those weekends and a memory clear of not having read any book ever and starting them all over again. Or maybe a weekend free so that I can pour over some new ones. But writing about all this is getting me so super nostalgic that I feel there’s a huge cauldron of honey boiling away in my heart, weird feeling! It makes me realize that maybe I was a little too hard on my school during and before our farewell or maybe it was just a defence mechanism and I did not, could not acknowledge that it had become too much a part of me. Or me a part of it.