Broken Pride of Failing

In our life we have a habit of looking at ourselves as the damsels in distress in the big bad world with its big bad wolves stirring up all the problems. But behind the delusion, if we actually peer in, the monster isn’t all that far away. Each day we wake up and build ourselves up to such heights of obsession that at the end of the day even one disagreement from the self congratulatory opinions that we have made up sends us spiralling down to depression. It’s a mighty good time to be a therapist.
The realization came upon this week when a botched assignment wasn’t appreciated the way I had it all penned up in my mind. And instead of owning up to all the mistakes and the wrong judgement taken and trying to redo it again, I couldn’t just shake off the cloud of sadness about the faculty not looking at the design behind the atrocious fitting, and sulked all day. I reacted just like Petunia Dursley would if someone came up and called out Dudley as the pig he was.
And I know for a fact that it cannot just be me in my generation to feel as such. Heck, I am sure every generation goes through this phase where they think they are the smartest piece of shit to ever grace the face of Earth with their pompous asses. Until humbled by the “Real World” out there. But what exactly is it that lends us this self-important air? I wish I could actually point out that we really are the smartest, brightest, most talented, most philanthropic, strongest, fastest, what elsest? But that isn’t. And let’s call a spade a spade. Sure, we have few exceptional, every generation has them, and they are easily recognized by their humbleness and the will to better them and work harder at any cost. But most of us are lazy, opinion- spouting, work-avoiding, system-hating burn-outs. And I think I am actually being extremely harsh to others in this soliloquy. And that’s another thing. The Buck passing game. Instead of actually blaming myself, I go on berating about my entire generation.
So anyway, I really wanted the assignment to come out all nice, but I overly estimated my skills as a garment constructor. I spend quite many days to come up with everything and actually did everything to ensure it was well made, except keeping to my safe zone. But well, have to move on and give it another try.
On other news, The Annual Kolkata Book Fair is happening, and I think it ends sometime this week and I had to give it a miss this year. But if you live in the city, do go out, there will be traffic, books and a crowd that loves to actually celebrate its geekiness. Speaking of which, Delhi is having a Comic Con, which is like jaw dropping awesomeness, and I so wish I could be there this weekend. But maybe next year.


3 thoughts on “Broken Pride of Failing

  1. cmon girl! so what if u overlooked your safe zone..look at it this way, You’ll never make the same garment construction mistake in your entire life now! if we don’t experiment right now, when the hell would we do it?
    better to fall on pride now than when we have jobs.


  2. I had the same same same experience this sem 😦
    It took me some time and some wise words from amazing people around me but i know how to get over it now, There’s only one solution for us design students.. more work! The best solution 🙂


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